Sex Tips: How to Lose Your Virginity Without Pain (Girls) (Complete Part1 & 2)

Losing your virginity can seem scary, and the
range of myths surrounding it doesn’t help. In
most cases, though, penetrative sex should not
be intensely painful, even on your first time.
Follow along after the jump to learn how to
mentally and physically prepare yourself.

1. Try to feel comfortable with your own
sexuality. Most people fear the unknown, and it’s
easy to get anxious if you don’t know what’s
coming. Feeling tense and nervous will put a
damper on the experience, in addition to making
your vaginal muscles clenched and more prone to
pain. Instead of letting anxiety take over, try to
find ways to relax and become educated
beforehand so you feel confident in the moment.
Here are some strategies to try:
Read up! Knowing exactly what goes where,
what’s normal, and what to expect can help ease
a lot of your anxiety about having sex for the first
time. Planned Parenthood, The American Academy
of Pediatrics and
Scarleteen are good places to start.
Know your body. Understanding your own
anatomy can help you feel more confident,
especially if your partner is also a virgin. It’s
important to figure out what you enjoy, so you
can communicate that to your partner and ensure
that you both have a good experience.
Masturbation can help with this, or you can
simply resolve to be communicative while you
experiment with your partner — whatever you
choose, try to pay attention to how you respond
to different touches.
Approach sex with a positive attitude.
When you lose your virginity is a personal choice.
If you feel extremely guilty and stressed out at the
prospect, maybe it’s better to wait. If you’ve
decided that this is what you want, though, then
take steps to cast the experience in a positive
light.
Focus on making it an experience that brings you
closer to your partner and gives you an
opportunity for personal growth.

2. Take a trip to the drugstore.
Buying a few items ahead of time can make
losing your virginity a little easier.
Consider picking up:
Condoms, which both help prevent pregnancy
and help stop the spread of sexually-transmitted
infections (STIs).
Even if you’re on birth control pills and you trust
your partner, using a condom can erase any
doubts that might make you anxious in the
moment. Don’t
worry about buying anything that’s ribbed or extra
tricked-out for your first time — just look for the
most basic version you can find. Lubricant, the
next-best thing you can buy after condoms
because it will ease
a lot of the pain and prevent vaginal tearing.
If you’re using latex condoms (which most are),
do not use an oil-based lubricant, because they
can tear the condom. Instead, opt for a silicone-
or water-based lube.

3. Discuss your concerns with your partner.
Having sex with someone you trust can make
your first time a lot less nerve-wracking. Your
partner should be considerate of your feelings,
focused on making sure you have a good
experience, and willing to help you through the
process. If your potential partner pressures you
too much, or if he or she doesn’t seem very
concerned about how having sex might affect you,
maybe it’s best to reconsider.

4. Know what your hymen is.
The hymen is a thin membrane that partially
covers the vaginal opening, and almost every girl
is born with one. It starts to wear away over time
due to a variety of activities, such as playing
sports, tampon usage, menstruation or normal
movement. Here’s what you need to know about
it as far as losing your virginity is
concerned:
You probably have a partial hymen. If you’re a
teenager, chances are that only part of your
hymen is left — which is normal, particularly if
you’ve already started having periods. If you want
to investigate more, you should be able to see
your hymen easily with the help of a flashlight
and a hand mirror. If you do bleed, it shouldn’t be
very much.
Any bleeding you experience after losing your
virginity should not be on the same level as
having a period.
Instead, it should only be light spotting for a few
hours after. Some girls won’t bleed at all.
Breaking your hymen shouldn’t be
overwhelmingly painful. Actually, if you do
experience pain during your first time, it’s
probably because you’re not used to the feeling of
penetration and you’re clenching up your muscles
— not because your hymen has nerve
endings (spoiler: it doesn’t).
The good news is, although you can’t control
your
hymen tearing, you can control how relaxed you
are.

5. Get acquainted with how you’re angled.
If you can help your partner ease into you at the
correct angle, you’ll avoid some potentially
painful fumbling.
Most girls aren’t straight up and down, but
instead angled back toward the spine or forward
toward the belly button — both directions are
normal.
If you regularly use tampons, you’re one step
ahead. Take note of how you approach inserting a
tampon, and try to recreate that same angle when
you’re starting to have penetrative sex.
If you don’t use tampons or haven’t otherwise
engaged in any vaginal penetration, it’s probably
a good idea to figure it out before you have sex.
Try using tampons on your next period, or
inserting a finger next time you’re in the shower.
Aim toward your lower back; if that doesn’t feel
comfortable, shift forward slightly until you find a
point that’s comfortable.

Part One of Two:
Before Having Sex
1. Pick a stress-free location.
If you’re constantly worried about getting caught,
you might not have much fun. Make it easier on
yourself and your partner by choosing a time and
a location
where you can be relatively sure you won’t be
disturbed.
Look for privacy, a comfortable surface to lie
down on, and a time when you aren’t worried
about being on a schedule.

2. Set a relaxing mood. Loosen up by making the
atmosphere stress-free. Get rid of any distracting
clutter, shut off your phone, and remove anything
else that might make you feel nervous or keep
you from focusing on your partner.
Try some of the tricks that medical offices,
dental offices or beauty salons use. Dim lighting,
soft music, and warm room temperature are all
meant to make you feel safe and comfortable.
Consider taking some time to groom yourself
beforehand so that you feel relaxed in your own
skin.
Take a quick shower, use scented lotion, style
your hair, or do whatever else makes you feel
pretty and confident.

3. Take your time. Try to think of sex as a
marathon, not a sprint, and focus on enjoying
your partner without rushing.
Instead of worrying about getting right to it, spend
time figuring out what you and your partner both
enjoy. Start with kissing, move to making out, and
stick to whatever pace feels most comfortable for
both of you.
Here’s an extra bonus to doing plenty of
foreplay: as you become more aroused, your
natural lubrication will increase — making it easier
for your partner to enter you painlessly later on.

4. Communicate with your partner.
Try not to be afraid to ask for what you need in
the moment — he or she should be more than
happy to help you. Slowing down, moving gently,
or using more
lubrication are all things you could suggest to
ease the pain of your first time.

5. Do some aftercare (optional). If you’re really
struggling with the pain or experiencing bleeding,
try to deal with it before it becomes too
aggravating. Take an over-the-counter pain
reliever (do not take aspirin if you’re under age 19), clean up any blood, and wear a light pad for
a few hours.

TIPS
If you feel like tonight is not yet “the night”,
don’t be ashamed to postpone it. A caring partner
will value how you feel above anything else and
will not try to rush you into something you are
not ready for. If you change your mind, it is okay
to say so!
Always use a water based lubricant, not
Vaseline, oil, moisturizer, or any kind of greasy
substance. This can damage latex based
condoms and cause irritation and pain.
No one’s first time is absolutely perfect, so
leave your expectations at the door. No one will
expect you to be a pro.
You might get the urge to go to the toilet (be it
number one or number two) during sex. It’s
normal. It will go away after couple of times you
have sex.
Use a condom even if you have another form of
birth control if your partner has had sex with
someone else before. You can get an STD your
very first time. If you don’t use birth control at all,
you can get pregnant! Don’t let something like
that ruin your experience.
If you don’t feel very confident about your
body, remember that candlelight is always an
option, and may feel more romantic and sexier
than electric light or complete darkness.
If you experience excruciating pain or heavy
bleeding that lasts for a day or more, see a
doctor.
Consider making an appointment with a
gynecologist after you become sexually active.