Having Sex for the First Time (Facts No One WillTell You)

What is virginity?
A ‘virgin’ is traditionally seen as someone who
has never had sexual intercourse before. However, people have different ideas about what ‘losing
your virginity’ means. For some, it’s having heterosexual sex for the first time. For others, it can mean having any sort of sex – including gay
or lesbian sex – for the first time.

Does oral / fingering / anal / hand jobs count as.losing your virginity?

This is a difficult question, and again, people have
different views. Whether you think these things
‘count’ or not, don’t forget that all of them can
transmit sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
And whatever you think ‘being a virgin’ means,
remember that the most important thing is
making sure you’re ready before you do anything
sexual, whether it’s the first time or not. There’s
nothing wrong with being a virgin, and you
shouldn’t feel like you have to go further then you
are comfortable with because of peer pressure.

Won’t I look inexperienced if I admit it’s my first
time?
No – be honest with your partner. There’s
nothing embarrassing about telling them that you
haven’t been with anyone else. If you’re close
enough to someone to be thinking about having
sex, you should be close enough to be able to
talk honestly to him or her.
“We’ve sort of decided to wait a bit longer before
we do it. I mean, we have kissed and felt each
other and all that sort of thing, you know, maybe
just going a little bit further each time”

Won’t I be judged if I admit that I’ve had sex
before?
Again, it’s usually better to have enough of a
trusting relationship to chat openly about your
experiences.
You deserve not to be judged. If anyone makes
you feel bad for things that have happened in your
life, they’re probably not good enough to give
your time to. Remember that there is no definite
way of knowing if a girl is a virgin or not, a lack
of bleeding is not proof (see ‘will first time sex
hurt’ below).
I’m getting married and have not had sex before…
In some countries, it’s common for young people
to get married. Sometimes families arrange the
marriage, sometimes not. You may have already
been in a relationship with your partner, or you
may not know your partner very well. Whatever
the situation, talk to your partner about sex before
you do it, and don’t feel like you have to rush into
it on your wedding night.

Will first time sex hurt?
First-time sex can be painful or hurt, and some girls or young women do bleed a little bit. The
bleeding usually occurs because the girl has a hymen which breaks the first time she has sexual
intercourse.
The hymen is a small piece of thin skin which
goes across the opening of the vagina and
protects it when she is young. It has some gaps
in it where the blood can come out when she has
her period. Sometimes a girl might already have
broken her hymen without knowing about it. For
example, this can happen as a result of playing
sports or horse riding.
Sex the first time shouldn’t be painful or hurt for
a boy or young man, but he can make it easier
for his partner by being gentle and taking it
slowly – try to make it special for you both.

Is the first time someone has sex enjoyable?
Some couples say that on their first time they
both enjoyed it, other couples say that neither of
them had an orgasm. It’s an individual thing, just
try not to expect too much from your first time –
like anything else, it takes a while to learn about
your body and about your partner’s. Just make
sure that you’re ready and you’ve got
contraception sorted out.

“What was it like? – Well it’s difficult to describe
because I’d never felt anything like it before really.
I’d had orgasms through masturbation before, but
sharing yourself with someone you love and respect was really good. It brought us closer together. ”

Check Back Next Time For Another Episode
Am I ready for sex?
Having sex
Sex, fun and safety