ROMANTIC STORY : WHAT A CATCH

I am a woman and am not proud of my actions, or the situation I put myself into. I’d been having an on-off relationship with my boss, a loathsome alcoholic with a terrible snoring disorder.
One heinous night, we were lying on the bed, him asleep. I was pretty much dressed as it was 4am and was trying to be bothered to get up and go home. Suddenly he let rip with the most almighty fart. This did not amuse me. The smell was indescribable and, worst of all, it was of such volume that he’d woken himself up. Impressive I have to admit.
Shaking his head, he jumped off the bed and shot into the bathroom. Within seconds, I heard the sound of snoring coming from the toilet.
But after a moment I realised that the smell was still lingering and, peeling open my own bloodshot eyes, I noticed the dark stain on the sheets. The dirty bastard. It was all over, and I don’t just mean all over the sheets.
Hurriedly, I pulled on the rest of my clothes, but couldn’t find my right boot. Turning on the light, I nearly fainted: he hadn’t just followed through but had actually released a whole live otter all over the sheets. There it sat, coiled on the bed, looking at me. Had he been facing the other way, he’d have shat on me.
I turned the light off, ran out, jumped in my car and fled home. I was so traumatised I had to wake my flatmate who laughed herself silly. Then she sat up.
‘Er, you turned the light off?’
‘Yes.’
‘So he would have woken up on the toilet... decided it was time to go back to bed... got back in it in the dark...’
We’ll leave it there.”